I remembered i once wrote on my blog, that as time passes, people start to change. Their needs and expectations, their lifestyle, their thinking, their preference, the things they do, their priorities and all. Everything starts to become different, even if it used to be the same. And that is the time that their paths had to cross and start to drift, all because they had different goals and aims to walk towards.
And i am starting to feel it all over again.
Its true, that no matter how close people could be before, will start to become like they never knew. You no longer know what the other person like or dislike, you no longer understand what they want, to the extent that you start questioning yourself if you really knew them all along. Its becoming so..far and distant, like a stranger.
I dont see a point, if you no longer feel like you're on the same frequency as the other, to force yourself and pretend that the relationship used to be the same as before. Upset? Definitely. But what can be done to salvage? I dont know.
I think its hard to turn the situation around when it drifted because it was part of.. growing up. Maybe i should put it this way. It is nobody's fault that things ended up different and apart if the reason was due to a change in thinking and their lifestyle which is all part of growing up.
And of cos, we could have tried to make things stay the same. But isnt it hard to try to accomodate each other and as a result becoming more and more not like your real self? And everything goes down to just one thing - we have changed and its no longer the same.
I just feel that its really difficult. I am not happy with my life right now, not because it had changed, but because things and people around me changed opposing to mine. As much as i wished things could still be the same as before like all the happy kodak moments etched so deeply down memory lane, i know that in reality, it wouldnt return again.
Am i blaming 'life'? Maybe. But other than using this as a reason (or excuse if you want to put it that way), i cant think of anything else why could be the cause.
We've all grown up and nearing what we really wanna be and wanna do. Though things went against the way we want it to be, im sorry to say, we've changed. We have too much differences and its hard, its really hard to understand each other now. We tried, but common topics seem too little, able to say whats on each other's mind without even speaking, is so hard to make it happen.
My dear, my love, this is a very painful truth for me. I dont know how you feel, i can no longer feel it, but i hope, even though we've drifted, there's still a little tiny space somewhere inside us that will never have to part.
Its so difficult to drag on and on, knowing there's a problem between us yet i kept refusing to face it and try to escape from it pretending everything's okay when it's obviously not. You will always be that important person in my life, and i hope we will never have a permanent part.
I am waiting for the day, when we continue to change and perhaps, grow towards the same, where our preferences from two become one, we could then relive those moments and get back what had been gone and wasted during the period of differences.
iloveyou.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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